New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
