Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
