i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
