I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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