There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
