im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize