So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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