watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
