she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
