that's an acceptable place to lick
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
