hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
