yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize