she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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