now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
