Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
