i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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