How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize