Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
