could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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