You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I wish there were birth control emojis
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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