Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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