took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
