If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
