i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
