so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
