break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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