State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
