I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
