he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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