My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i came on her dog
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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