Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
