take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
