Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
