I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
