Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize