I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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