You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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