that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
