yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
