Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
