I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
