Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
