Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I wear drunk well.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
