You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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