dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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