Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
