I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i now understand why vodka
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize