I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
