Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
