you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
