he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
