saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
this just has baby written all over it
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
