I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
