i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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