singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
