My liver just broke up with me...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
