I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
