you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
