trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
