smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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