Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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