omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize