lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
