she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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