Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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