I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
