Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
