Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize