K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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