Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
