yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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