One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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