Ambien. No doubt about it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
