ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize