Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
