I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
